Tag: infertility

Doing Our Best

Posted on by Frances

September is kind of a crazy month for us Hoelsemas. We have a couple of birthdays, a week-long summer vacation, and I usually start school with the kiddos at some point in the month. This year I happened to realize something that got my mind spinning in many directions.

Back in 2007 (well, technically very end of 2006), my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our first child. We were delighted as we really didn’t know if it would happen for us. (I’ve shared parts of my story here, as well as on Facebook. I’ve even written a book on infertility because we faced that disease head on. You can find it HERE!)

Unfortunately, however, that child wasn’t meant to be. God called that angel home in February 2007. My due date was in September 2007, though. Another reason September is just a tad *crazier* around here.

So this is what I realized this year. If my husband and I had never miscarried that child, we would have a 10 year old!! That makes my jaw drop, people! I mean, it’s already hard enough that my oldest is going to be seven in November, and my baby is already four, but a 10 year old!!?!?!? I’m not that old, am I? It’s just really hard to believe.

Time really does fly the older you get. I feel like every time I blink my children are just that much older. So then I got to thinking about parenting. I pray almost every day that my children will grow up making wise choices, having the right people surrounding them, and turning out to be successful, smart, hard-working, honest, loving, et cetera.

I believe heavily that Proverbs 22:6 holds true. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Thus, I try to train my boys in the way of the Lord. I don’t always do what’s right, but I hope I’m doing good enough. I hope I’m a good mom.

Then I came across something that spoke volumes to me. The following post is from 21st Century SAHM on Facebook. You can see their page HERE!

Girlfriends, I got to get something off my chest.

My house is never clean. Like ever. I have friends (with kids) whose houses are spotless. Are they better moth…ers than me? Nope. Am I a better mother than them? Nope.

I work out every day. I have mom friends who don’t exercise. (I mean other than running around like crazy people after their kids). Does that make either of us a better mom? Nope.

I have a friend who gave birth in a pool in her living room. I pushed mine out in a hospital bed after receiving a gift from the epidural fairy. Both of us are good moms.

I drink a beer or glass of wine (sometimes in front of my kids!) on occasion. I’m a good mom. My neighbor and good friend doesn’t drink. Also a good mom.

I’m a yeller. I have a good friend who is quiet and extremely patient. I envy her. But we are both good moms.

I have friends who are super organic, chemical free, and dye free. My kids sometimes eat popsicles for breakfast. The cheap kind that are 50 for $2.00. Are either of us better than the other? Nope.

I swear, but not in front of my kids. Are you a bad mom if you do? Hell no.

I’m involved with my kids’ school but I don’t volunteer and live there every day. Are the moms who volunteer daily any better than those who never do? No. Am I incredibly grateful for the moms who volunteer every day and help the teachers? YES.

Are stay-at-home moms better than working moms? NO.

Are working moms better than stay-at-home moms? NO.

Are married moms better than single moms? NO.

Are you a better mom if you take your kids on exotic vacations? NO.

Can you be a good mom if you the closest thing you get to a vacation is the park? YES.

Can you be a good mom and have a super scheduled summer with lots of planned activities? Yep.

What about if your summer is lazy with no plans? Yep.

Do good moms let their kids watch TV? Yes.

Play video games? Yes.

What about if you say no? Also fine. Your choice. You’re the mom. And a good one.

I’m a Christian. My friend and neighbor is Muslim. Another friend practices no religion at all. WE ARE ALL GOOD MOTHERS.

My other friend is gay. Her kids have TWO mothers. They are both good moms.

I breastfed. My kids barely had any formula. Am I better than moms who give their kids formula? NO.

So how about this? Can we all climb down off judgmental mountain for a second? And just support one another? And just say, Hey, motherhood is hard. You’re doing a good job. Raising kids can knock the wind out of a person. You got this.

How awesome would that be? Just a thought.

There is a lot of judgment going around, and I know at times it seems easy to think we’re doing better than or worse than other parents just based on situations, appearances, provisions, et cetera. But really I think we’re all just doing the best we can.

So in a day and age where there are a lot of paths to take (vaccines, schooling, foods, technology, chemicals, and the list goes on), the best we can do is research and decide what’s best for our family and/or just choose what fits our budget, morals, conscience, lifestyle, et cetera.

And then pray. Pray it all goes well. Pray our children grow up right. Just pray. Let God take care of the rest.

And, finally, don’t worry about what others think (yes, easier said then done). Just rest in the knowledge that you’re doing the best you can do, and that no one will love your kids better than you do.

So this September, I will take all these words to heart, and continue to be the best mom I can to these two precious boys (and one angel in heaven).

What to Expect When You’re NOT Expecting

Posted on by Frances

I am so excited to announce today that my first non-fiction piece is now available! The writing process started in mid-January, and now six months later, my baby is published! What an exciting time! So, without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to the book…

This book provides information and inspiration for those going through infertility. But more specifically, here is what the back of the book says:

Have you been actively trying to conceive for the past 12 months or more to no avail? If you answered yes, then welcome to infertility. It’s a journey like no other. It’s one you never wanted to embark on, and it’s definitely one you don’t want to stay on for very long. But since you’re here, let this book be your traveling companion!

In What to Expect When You’re NOT Expecting: Navigating Infertility, Frances Hoelsema uses her own personal experiences, as well as those of many other women, to guide and inspire you on this ultra-frustrating, highly-emotional, and what feels like an extremely-lonely journey.

If you’ve got questions…there are answers!
If you need tips…plenty are provided!
If you need someone to understand…these women do!
If you’re feeling alone…be assured you’re not!

Whether you’ve just begun your infertility journey, or have been on it for quite some time, there is something for everyone. From astounding statistics, to real life examples, to concrete sources of hope, this is one book you won’t want to be without.

So sit tight and buckle up! The journey will be bumpy, but with What to Expect When You’re NOT Expecting: Navigating Infertility by your side, you’ve got this! 

Compared to other books in this market, it’s set at a great price, too! The book is available on paperback through Amazon or CreateSpace for just $12.99 OR in eBook format on Kindle for just $4.99!

Now that the basics are out of the way, let me give you some background. This all started, honestly, in June of 2006. This is when my husband and I believed we were ready to get pregnant. We had been married a few months, had stable income, loved babies. Why not, right? However, the process wasn’t easy. Through treatments and one miscarriage, we thought our baby would never come. Almost four years later, thankfully, God answered our prayers.

Since going through the heartache of trying to conceive, I’ve had a passion to come alongside women in the same shoes I was once in. Therefore, it was only natural for me to want to write something about it. First, however, I wanted to get done with my Neighbors series. The final book in that series was published in December, and immediately, I began formulating what I wanted this infertility book to be about. With the help of so many other women, it became what it is today.

Up above is the cover of my book. And if you go to one of the retailer sites you can get a glimpse of the inside. Here, however, is something you won’t see, but here…my notes!

This is only a couple pages of the many I scribbled all over. You probably wonder how in the world I could make anything out of all this mess, but this is just how my brain works! I must admit, though, I am grateful it all came together and now is ready to share with the world.

Please do me a favor and spread the word! I truly believe that this book will help those in the midst of this dark and oftentimes lonely tunnel. Thank you so much!

 

Mother’s Day

Posted on by Frances

Mother’s Day always brings about a mix of emotions for me and so many others. For nearly four years, my husband and I tried so hard to become parents, but it just wasn’t working out. Anyone going through infertility knows the struggle they face when it comes to special occasions such as this. Not just infertile couples, but those who have lost their moms find the day bittersweet as well. Or even those whose children have left home. Mother’s Day (& Father’s Day) can just be plain tough.

What I’m about to share won’t make it any easier, but I think it needs to be said nonetheless. When we think of Mother’s Day, we think of our moms (or if we are a mom ourselves, we might think of ourselves). But it’s about more than that!

  • It’s about father’s pulling double duty
  • It’s about pregnant-for-the-first-time moms
  • It’s about angel-baby moms
  • It’s about grandmas or aunts taking over the role of mom
  • It’s about women who have a mother’s heart
  • It’s about women with biological children
  • It’s about women with adoptive children
  • It’s about women with foster children
  • It’s about step mothers
  • It’s about mothers-in-law
  • It’s about anyone assuming the role of caring for others
  • It’s about those who constantly pray for the wellbeing of children
  • It’s about those trying to become moms
  • It’s about repeat moms
  • It’s even about pet moms

Basically….THIS! I see this going around Facebook this time of year, and it is absolutely 100% truth!

With that said, to all that fit within these perimeters, Happy Mother’s Day! And please know that if you are not particularly happy this day of the year, I (and so many others) can understand.

 

Infertility Stories Wanted

Posted on by Frances

Most of you know by now that the project I’m currently working on is a non-fiction piece on infertility. Infertility is something that my husband and I had to unfortunately spend almost four years going through, including one miscarriage, many emotional highs and lows, and a billion plus tears. I can honestly say that the only good thing that came from this struggle was my closer dependence on God.

 

Something that was fascinating then that I find still true today is that even though nearly 12% of couples struggles with infertility, many of us don’t talk about it and we often feel alone. Thus the reason I want to create a book devoted to infertility sufferers.

 

In my newest book, my goal is to provide hope and inspiration to those currently in the midst of infertility. I plan on doing this by many means, but the most important one, I think, is by sharing stories from other women. Each story is so unique, but I believe that with the variety of examples shared, those reading them will find bits and pieces of themselves throughout them all. They’ll see that the emotions they experience are normal. They’ll see certain outcomes may not be as bad as they thought. They’ll get a sense of someone understanding them. They won’t feel alone.

 

For this to work, I need your help. If you have gone through or are going through infertility, please consider sharing your story. It’s your story so include as little or as much as you want. Also, please pass this on to anyone else who may be interested in participating.

 

All stories should be in by end of March. If it’s slightly later, it may still work, but I want to have enough time to go through them and format, etc. You can submit your story by either emailing me at franceshoelsema@gmail.com OR by using the Contact tab on my website at www.franceshoelsema.com

 

I’d appreciate any and all help! Just think of the impact this will have on the lives of many women!

 

 

Blog Feature

Posted on by Frances Hoelsema - Author

I wanted to share with everyone that recently I got the spotlight on a blog by C.L. Wells. She’s an amazing person, a Jane-of-all-trades if you will. She’s literally dabbled with everything. My favorite part?!? She has a passion for animals!! Having a heart for animals myself, this makes this blog feature more special.

C.L. Wells had the idea of posting Continue reading “Blog Feature” →